Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Finding it hard to get back into your work groove after the holidays?  Take heart!  At least you haven’t just been named one of AOL’s 11 Stupidest Employees Of 2011.

To help you avoid ending up on the 2012 list, SRxA’s Word on Health would like to share with you the worst of last years’ faux pas.  Yes, we know they’re not all health related, but we hope these 11 stories of employee stupidity will make you laugh enough to improve your mental health!

#1  On day, elementary school gym teacher Jennifer Gomes just didn’t want to go to work. Rather than call out sick she opted to leave a note warning of a bomb at the main entrance of the school where she worked.  Her plan certainly worked.  Not only did she get to skip work that day, she was suspended from her job and charged with a felony count of false reporting of explosives.

#2 Staying with the education theme, high school teacher Jeff Spires was suspended in October for soliciting money from his students. According to a school investigation, Spires told his class to staple or paperclip cash to the back of their quizzes if they wanted to sweeten their grades. After it was revealed that one junior paid $70 to boost his grade to a B from a C, Spires was forced to resign.

#3 At a Boeing Co. plant near Philadelphia, more than three dozen employees were arrested for illegally selling prescription drugs, including oxycodone and Xanax. Federal authorities were tipped off to the unlawful activity after an internal investigation.  Seems that making helicopters wasn’t enough to get them high!

#4 Doralinda Vargas, a Taco Bell manager in California may have been trying to “think outside the bun,” but she got herself into legal hot water after an employee accused her of running a Ponzi scheme. The plan required employees to surrender $100 each payday. However, when assistant manager Jeorgina Cervantes De Gomez grew tired of the scheme and refused to pay up she soon found herself out of work. Gomez then sued the manager, seeking back wages and damages.

#5 Wisconsin cemetery worker Steven Conard was accused of stealing a guitar from a casket, Conard, a musician at first denied stealing the prized Fender Telecaster after a co-worker spotted it “in plain view” in Conard’s house. When pressed by police, Conard relented and handed the stolen instrument over saying “This isn’t something I normally do, I just have a respect for fine musical instruments.”  Sounds to us like he needs a tune up on his morals!

#6 Jill Filipovic, a lawyer and feminist blogger flew from Newark, N.J. to Dublin.  Upon arrival recently, she discovered an inspection tag in her luggage left by a Transportation Security Administration agent. Frequent travelers amongst us know there’s nothing unusual about this.  However, on this one the agent had scrawled along its side: “GET YOUR FREAK ON GIRL.” Apparently she had discovered the author’s vibrator in the suitcase. Filipovic, filed a complaint with the TSA, who responded in a statement that it “takes all allegations of inappropriate conduct seriously and is investigating the claim” and promised “appropriate disciplinary action.”

#7  Many people likely give little thought about where postal delivery workers relieve themselves on their daily routes. But Portland resident Don Derfler became very aware last spring after he witnessed a postal worker defecating on a neighbor’s lawn. Derfler, who said that he noticed the postal worker acting strangely, took photos of the incident. The Postal Service conducted a probe and determined the offending employee could keep his job but would be assigned a different route. We can only hope it’s one with a porta-john along the way.

#8 Last, but by certainly no means, least, we have Englishman Stuart Keen. The 54-year-old carpenter apparently mistook his penis for a piece of wood and accidentally cut it off while working with a saw. Fortunately for Keen, surgeons were able to reattach the severed member. No word yet on whether Keen has since changed professions!

So there we have it…unless of course you know of someone stupider…