Help for the Holiday Blues

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer”
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It’s the hap- happiest season of all

For many this truly is the happiest and most wonderful time of the year. But for those who have lost a loved one, the empty chair at the table or fewer presents under the tree can be a painful reminder of our loved ones who are no longer with us.

“There are so many traditions associated with the holiday season that it can be an emotional roller coaster for someone who has recently lost a loved one,” says Nancy Kiel, bereavement coordinator for Loyola University Health System. “Many people wish they could just fast forward through the holidays, but getting through the season is possible if you give yourself permission to be flexible.”

So for all those who are grieving and mourning the loss of someone this Holiday season here’s some tips that might help make the holidays a little brighter.

1. Discuss holiday plans as a family. Everyone is feeling the loss, so talk about what you are going to do and be willing to compromise. If you don’t like the change you made, next year you can always go back to the way you did it before.
2. Skip the mall. Christmas shopping can be stressful even when not dealing with grief. Consider giving gift cards or shop online to avoid the mall madness. Remember it’s not just about the presents, but about the presence of caring and supportive people.
3. You can say no. The party invitations and social gatherings might be more difficult this year. You can say no or give yourself some breathing room by asking to RSVP at a later date. If you do go, drive yourself. This will allow you the freedom to leave at your discretion. Also, try to avoid “should people” who say “you should do this or you should do that.”
4. Honor your loved one. Start a new tradition to honor and remember your loved one. You could light a special candle, at dinner have everyone at the table share a favorite memory or all take part in a loved one’s favorite holiday activity. Do something that would make your loved one smile.
5. Be gentle with yourself. Do what you need to do and pamper yourself. If you need to take a nap, take a nap. Exercise is a great stress reliever, so bundle up and take a walk.
6. It’s OK to change traditions. Do something different this year. Take a vacation somewhere hot. Skip the cooking and go to a restaurant, volunteer with those even less fortunate.

“Grief is hard work and it can be exhausting, but it is something we must do,”  advises Kiel. “If you put it on a back burner you’ll never heal. You can’t go around, over or under grief – you have to go through it. So find someone who will listen unconditionally and tell your story.”

For more information, visit www.loyolamedicine.org or call Nancy Kiel at (708) 216-1646.

Let’s NOT Go Surfing Now

When the Beachboys sang ‘Everybody’s Gone Surfin’ I’m fairly sure they were thinking about waxed boards, shaggy blond hair and ocean waves.

50 years later surfing is a term also associated with browsing the web and more recently with the increasingly popular teen past-time of clinging to the exterior of a speeding car.

The “sport” of car surfing is alarming health experts. National statistics have shown a steady rise in car surfing fatalities. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), since 1990, at least 99 people have died or sustained serious injuries as a result of car surfing.

“Broken bones and road rash – severe skin abrasions caused by impact from a fall – are minor injuries from car-surfing,” said Thomas Esposito, MD, chief of the Division of Trauma, Surgical Critical Care and Burns in the Department of Surgery at Loyola University Medical Center. “Head injuries are very prevalent and the effects are devastating.” Young people believe they are invincible but several seconds of thoughtless, risky behavior can lead to a lifetime of permanent disability or even death.”

The national rise in car surfing fatalities corresponds with the introduction of media depictions of the activity in movies, video games and in social media “For those desiring their five minutes of fame, social media such as YouTube and Facebook offer perceived fame and instant gratification,” said Esposito. “Replicating a dangerous stunt and capturing it with a cellphone may seem like a cool idea but can have serious long-term consequences.”

According to the CDC, males are more likely to car surf than females and the average age of persons injured as a result of car surfing is 17.6 years. A larger than average proportion of injuries occur among teen males ages 15 to 19. Injuries have been reported in 31 states, with 39% of these coming from the Midwest and 35% from the South.

Esposito notes that one of the key risks is sudden, unanticipated car maneuvers such as accelerating, swerving or braking, that can force a car surfer off of the vehicle. “People who fall off a moving vehicle may suffer brain contusions, broken bones, fractured skulls, loss of consciousness, internal bleeding, paralysis and death.”

Parents take note! If your teenage son asks to borrow the car to go surfing, just check he’s got his board and is headed off to the beach.  Car surfing is a dangerous game with stakes that are too high if they lose.